My mother in law has been an angel in my life. When Angie was a baby, she came over from Europe for a year so that Zak and I could both go back to work without any worries. She is very old school, born and raised in a city by farmer parents, family and work the backbone of her character.
I've complained so many times over the years about my in-laws, and I think that comes with the territory when they live in the ground floor apartment of your house. But last January, when I started having episodes of anxiety and panic attacks, my doctor recommended I learn to release my need to control and to embrace what is. I had been fighting my mother in law tooth and nail over the housework, over everything I was capable of doing in my own house. It was stress I didn't need so I decided to let it go. Let it go and let her help me rather than fight her every step of the way.
Her intentions have always been purely to help me, and on top of it, she loves me as her own. When my mother passed, she hovered near without smothering me. She took care of every last detail in keeping this house running smoothly. The laundry was always done. The furniture was impeccably shiny and dust free. The floors gleamed and glittered. I was given the space to grieve in comfort (fresh sheets and all) without having to worry about anything else. The woman was my saving grace.
I love her and cherish all of the gifts she has given me.
Last month, she went on her first proper vacation. She spent two weeks in St. Marten with her sisters. Before she left, I gave her my point and shoot camera so that she could capture a few shots - but she came home with 250 images of island magic.
I'm filled with gratitude for having this lady in my life. I think that sharing her photos would be the perfect send off to summer here where I love to share stories:
It's been one hell of an emotionally challenging summer. I'm ready to set it free and welcome fall in.
Reading this, I am struck that it's a matter of not understanding that this is her love language. I come from Prairie people, farmers and this is how we show love. It's about growing up in a community where the culture is that neighbours look out for one another. When someone is hurt, ill, or in need, everyone comes running to step up and see them through the crisis by doing for them. This includes chores, cooking and generally taking up the slack until they are able to do for themselves again. This love comes without asking, without hesitation, without pity. It stems from knowing that we'll all go through times like this and caring for one another is the right thing to do.
I am sorry you lost your mum.
Posted by: Lelainia Lloyd | 04 September 2012 at 10:15 AM
What a beautiful post and lovely tribute to you MIL. Her photos show such emotion and what a nice way for her to document her first vacation. How lucky you are to recognize and let it all go...Always thinking of you!
Posted by: Robin aka Gotham Girl | 04 September 2012 at 10:57 AM
@Lelainia Oh, I wholeheartedly understand that this is how she moves in the world and shows her love for me.
-I tried to fight her for years on it, maybe because I felt deep down, as if I didn't deserve it? I struggle with that issue.
But I have let go and let her love me the only way she knows how.
Posted by: Bella | 04 September 2012 at 11:57 AM
It can be so difficult for people, especially two women used to running their own homes to learn to share a home. Well done to both of you for making it work. What a lovely tribute to your MiL and great shots as well of her hols.
Posted by: L.McG.-E. | 04 September 2012 at 02:28 PM
what a gift she is to you, and you are to her.
thanks for sharing this part of your story here.
Posted by: Leonie Wise | 05 September 2012 at 02:05 AM